The Cullen Family Singers
by BananasMakeMeLaugh
Summary: Breaking Dawn Spoilers! The Cullen family starts singing random songs. Other Cullens are confused by certain songs. Craziness erupts! We suck at summaries!
1. Singing in the Shower

Author's Notes:

Kat: Hehehe...Breaking Dawn...giggles hysterically

Katy: It was sooooooooooooooooooooo good!

Kat: Oh, btw, if you haven't read it then don't go past this point...we'll remind you again in a minute.

Katy: Duh we will.

Kat: But for those of you continuing through this then you will love all of our Breaking Dawn crap!

Katy: Hm, have any of you noticed that we always write/update our stories after 11:00 p.m.

Kat: I did...to the disclaimer!

Disclaimer:

Katy: I love you!

Kat: You love me!

Katy: We own nothing!

Kat: Can't you see!

Katy: **sighs **Not even the song...Barney's producers own that.

Kat:Though we do own our ideas!

Katy: Yay!

Kat: Now for our genius ideas.

Katy: Wait, before we continue..._**BEWARE! HUGE BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS!...SORTA!**_

Nessie P.O.V.

The Cullen house was always an interesting place to be. Especially at times like these when my family (plus Jacob) gets bored.

I was walking through the house to my dad's old room one morning. Upon getting closer I noticed that I was starting to hear a strange but familiar song. And my _dad _happened to be singing it. In the shower...

_Hold up, wait a minute, put a little loooove in it!_

It was interesting enough that I decided to listen to it. When I entered his room, my mom was sitting on his couch staring with her eyebrows up at the bathroom door. I went over and sat on her lap. We continued listening while the family filed in one after another. The first, ironically, was Carlisle.

_Doctor, Doctor, I have an e-mer-gen-cy! _

_It seems I'm head-over-heels, a case of L-O-V-E!!_

_It's like I'm glowing inside yeah a light I can't hide._

_And if this feeling is bad then I don't wanna be right._

_What I've got in my soul gives me the **pause **highest delight._

_Oh yeah, it's better than drugs._

_In fact it's sent from above. **clears throat**_

As the water turned off, Emmett and Rosalie walked in. "What's better than drugs?" Emmett asked.

"Shhhh," we all shushed him.

_Hold up, wait a minute, put a little loooove in it!_

Alice and Jasper walked in with a humorous expression on their faces. A very confused looking Esme followed.

_Can't kick the habit._

_I've got to have it._

_I'm what they call a LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

_Can't live without it._

_Gonna shout about it._

_I'm symptomatic!_

_LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

"Is he seriously singing that?" Jacob asked, walking in. When we nodded he commented, "Well at least he doesn't sound awful." My mom slapped him.

The next thing we heard was the curtain opening.

_Need a refill cause I just can't get enough._

_I've got a fever oh ye-ah,_

_and the prescription love._

_So lay the truth on me_

_cause that is all that I need. **clears throat** _

_Hold up, wait a minute, put a little loooove in it!_

_Can't kick the habit._

_I've got to have it._

_I'm what they call a LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

_Can't live without it._

_Gonna shout about it._

_I'm symptomatic!_

_LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

By now, we were all literally rolling on the floor laughing. It was _that _funny!

_Yes, I must confess,_

_my heart is pounding in my chest._

_Cause this loves the best._

_I'm just a LOVE ADDICT!_

He then, all of a sudden burst through the door. He was holding a hairbrush as a microphone, and his eyes were closed, explaining why he didn't notice us.

_Coming down with something outrageous!_

_Look out love cause it's so contagious!_

_This feelin's got me reelin._

_So hyped up, gonna hit the ceiling!_

_Gotta clear my throat. **clears throat**_

Then, he opened his eyes. A look of extreme shock and embarressment formed on his face.

"Um, hey guys...whatcha doin?" He smiled the nervous smile and we all started laughing.

"Well go on _love addict, _finish the song!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Now I gotta have some more..." Dad mumbled.

Then the entire room joined in.

_Hold up, wait a minute, put a little loooove in it! _

Emmett cranked the stereo and we all started singing and dancing.

_Can't kick the habit._

_I've got to have it._

_I'm what they call a LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

_Can't live without it._

_Gonna shout about it._

_I'm symptomatic!_

_LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

_Can't kick the habit._

_I've got to have it._

_I'm what they call a LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

_Can't live without it._

_Gonna shout about it._

_I'm symptomatic!_

_LOVE ADDICT, LOVE ADDICT!_

As the song finished, Emmett snickered. "Ya know, you might wanna put on some clothes Eddie-boy. We don't want you being a love addict right here!"

We continued to laugh as my fathered stalked back to the bathroom, glowering the whole time. If he were human, I swear he would've been blushing. Sadly, I thought I heard my mom say, "Don't worry Edward, you can be my love addict tonight."

Great, now I'll have nightmares the rest of my long life.

Kat:So? How'd you like it?

Katy: Family Force 5 rocks our socks!

Kat:Yeah, be prepared for more of them in later chapters.

Katy:We'll post a link for this song on a later chapter.

Kat: Remember, review!


	2. Eddie the latte boy

Author's Notes:

Katy: We're listening to The Used.

Kat: Though they don't have a song used in this story...OMFG!

Katy: What?

Kat: This is the first time we've worked on a chapter in daylight!!

Katy: OMG! Amazing!

Kat: Now we're listening to Switchfoot!

Katy: I wanna listen to Matchbook Romance...they have a song in this story...

Kat: But that song will be a surprise!

Katy:Woo hoo! A surprise!

Kat: I hate surprises...

Katy: Just like Bella.

Kat: Well we're on an agreement about that subject.

Katy: To the disclaimer!

Disclaimer:

Kat: Um...we just don't own the main plot or characters or whatever...we do own the ideas though.

Katy: I mean the whole point of fanfiction is that it's written by _fans._ Hence _**fan**_fiction!

Kat:I know you guys can't see this but spell check is _really _annoying me...silently fumes

Katy: Calm down, Kat.

Kat: No.

Katy: Fine then. Just get on with the story.

Kat: Reminder! _**Breaking Dawn Spoilers Ahead!**_

Nessie P.O.V.

I was sitting in my parent's room later that day while my mom brushed my waist length hair. She was never wanting to cut it so it just kept getting longer and longer. Then she started singing like my dad had earlier. Dad walked in right as she started.

_There's a boy who works at Starbucks._

_Who is very inspirational._

_He is very inspirational because of many things._

Dad interrupted her, "What? Who's this inspirational guy you're talking about? And why did you even go into a Starbucks?"

_I come in at 8:11 and he smiles and says, "How are you?"_

_When he smiles and says, "How are you?"_

_I could swear my heart grows wings._

"And I don't do that?"

_So today at 8:11._

_I decided I should meet him._

_I decided I should meet him, in a proper formal way._

"Bella, it's 9:00 and you never left the house."

_So today at 8:11 when he smiled and said, "How are you?"_

_I said, "Fine. And my name's Bella."_

_And he softly answered, "Hey."_

"That jerk! Doesn't he know not to mess with a married woman?"

_And I said, "My name is Bella and thank you for the extra foam."_

"You can't drink anything but blood? What did you get you get with foam on it?"

_And he said his name is Taylor,_

_which provides the inspiration for this poem._

"Taylor who? I'm gonna kill him!"

_Taylor, the latte boy._

"You like a latte boy? I can be a latte boy!"

_Bring me java, bring me joy._

"You can't drink java!"

_Oh, Taylor the latte boy._

_I love him, I love him, I love him._

"I thought you loved me..."

_So I'd like to get the nerve up._

_To recite this poem musical._

_He would like the fact it's musical,_

_because he plays guitar._

"I PLAY PIANO! I thought you liked classical music!"

_So today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing,_

"This all happened in one day? On a day you never left the house?"

_in a band down in the village,_

"What village?"

_in the basement of a bar._

_And he smoothly flipped the lever _

_to prepare my double latte._

"Bella? You don't drink lattes. I mean, you didn't even drink em when you were human!"

_But for me, he made it triple,_

_and he didn't think I knew._

"Why is this jerk hitting on a married woman?!"

_But I saw him flip the lever, _

_and for me he made it triple._

_And I knew that triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too._

"Why do you love this jerk? You're married to me! I thought you loved me!"

_I said, "What time are you playing?"_

_And thank you for the extra skim._

"The extra skim in your latte you can't even drink?!"

_He said, "Keep the 3.55."_

_because this triple latte was on him._

"He _really _needs to stop hitting on you! He's _really _starting to cross the line!"

_Taylor, the latte boy._

_Bring me java, bring me joy._

_Oh, Taylor the latte boy,_

_I love him, I love him, I love him._

"No you don't! You married _me! _You love _me!_"

_I used to be the kind of girl,_

_who'd run when love rushed toward her._

"You didn't run when I said I loved you! That was like a death wish!"

_But finally a voice whispered, "Love can be yours,_

_if you step up to the counter and order."_

_Taylor, the latte boy._

_Bring me java, bring me joy._

_Oh, Taylor the latte boy,_

_I love him, I love him, I love him._

"But what about me?!"

_So many years my heart has waited._

"But you've been dating me for years! What do you mean _waited?_"

_Who'd a thought that love could be so caffeinated?_

"What?!"

_Taylor, the latte boy._

_I love him, I love him, I love him. _

_I love him, I love him, I looooooooooooove him!_

My dad proceded to get down on both of his knees and grab my mom's hands. "Bella, I love you so much! Please, don't let this Taylor guy get in the way!"

Exasperated, my mom stood up. "Oh, Edward you dipstick. It's just a frickin song!"

"Really?"

"Yes," she sighed. "I really do love you."

He jumped and hugged my mom. "Yay! I love you too."

They then started making out. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Parental PDA! That's disgusting!"

My mom looked at me with her eyebrows raised. "Well how do you think you got here?"

When I ran out of the room horrified, I bumped into Emmett and Rosalie who were about to go hunting.

Emmett was dancing and singing, "I'm out of time and all I've got is 4 minutes, fricky fricky, 4 minutes. Hey!" Crap. Not them too.

Kat: So I guess you know what the next chapter is.

Katy: I'm outta time and all I've got is 4 minutes...oh hi.

Kat: Congrats on making a fool outta your fricky fricky self.

Katy: Um...you did a pretty good job too...

Kat: But not as much as you.

Katy: Remember, review!


	3. Mind Corruption

Author's Notes:

Kat: So sorry we haven't updated but with school and all...

Katy: Yeah, we're freshmen...it sucks...badly.

Kat: Agreed!

Katy: I have no idea what to say...

Kat: You just said something.

Katy: Thanks a lot smart ass...

Kat: Tu es...I dunno how you say that in french (meaning Idk how to say 'you're very welcome)

Katy: Yes you do, you take French.

Kat: But I haven't said anything all summer and I don't have it till next semester...I'm gonna suck.

Katy: **happens to not say anything author's note related**

Kat: Well then...we're listening to FF5! And we love them. If you don't know who this is, go back to chapter 1!!

Katy: And you have problems.

Kat: That's not nice. And since you can't say anything nice, we'll just go to the disclaimer.

Katy: N-

Disclaimer (cause we love interrupting Katy!):

Katy: So where's that cd?

Kat: Wtf? That has nothing to do with the disclaimer!

Katy: **laughing hysterically **You. Weren't. Supposed. To. Type. That!

Kat: Too late. Business up front!

Katy: Party in the back!

Kat: We luv kountry gentlemen.

Katy: They're sexy.

Kat: Like us!

Katy: You wish!

Kat:...wtf? This is the disclaimer...well we don't own it...the end.

Katy: Short disclaimer...short attention span...long conversation!  
Kat: Story time!

Katy: Oh yay!**sits on floor like kindergardener**

Kat: W-o-w...we're listening to Love Addict... "Hey guys..." Lol

Katy: Now seriously! I wanna hear my story.

Kat:**stage whispers** She sounds like Emmett...

Katy: I heard that! I take a bit of offense. Though if I'm really that funny then never mind.

Kat: Dang...our disclaimers long!

Katy: Then lets get on with the story time!

Kat: okay already...btw...it's tiny! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...breaking dawn spoilers!! Well it was tiny when I originally typed it...

Katy: BTW, **Emmett, **_Rosalie, __**Both together**_

* * *

Nessie POV

Since my parents were emitting major parental PDA, I decided to go outside and get some fresh air. After I got out, I was sort of wishing I hadn't.

**I'm outta time and all I got is 4 minutes, fricky fricky, 4 minutes, Hey!**

Uncle Emmett repeated that eight times before Aunt Rosalie showed up from behind a tree wearing only a nude colored, knee length, dress. At first glance, I swore _she _was nude.

_Come on boy_

_I've been waiting for somebody_

_to pick up my stroll._

**Well don't waste time**

**give me a sign**

**tell me how you wanna roll. Yeah!**

They then began to dance around in the way you would dance with a pole. It wasn't a pretty sight. My poor eyes will never be the same.

_I want somebody to speed it up for me_

_then take it down slow._

_There's enough room for both._

**Well, I can handle that**

**just gotta show me where it's at.**

**Are you ready to go?**

**(are you ready to go?)**

_**If you want it**_

_**you already got it.**_

_**If you thought it**_

_**it better be what you want.**_

_**If you feel it **_

_**it must be real just**_

_**say the word and**_

_**Imma give you what you want.**_

_Time is waiting_

**We only got 4 minutes to save the world**

_No hesitating...grab a boy!_

**G-Grab a girl!**

_Time is waiting._

**We only got 4 minutes to save the world!**

_No hesitating!_

**We only got 4 minutes, f-f-4 minutes.**

I was currently scared (and scarred) for life. Truthfully, I wouldn't look at them the same again. I wish Jake was here. He would save me. But no! He has to be at La Push getting ready for karaoke night. Stupid werewolf. I mean what's with all the singing today!

**So keep it up, keep it up, don't be a pri-**

_Hey!_

**Madonna. **

_You gotta get in line, hop!_

_**Tick tock tick tock tick tock!**_

**That's right keep it up, keep it up, don't be a pri-**

_Hey!_

**Madonna**

_You gotta get in line, hop!_

_**Tick tock tick tock tick tock.**_

_Sometimes I think what I need_

_is a you intervention, yeah!_

**And you know that I know when you like that**

**and that it's good, by the way that you move.**

**Oh, yeah!**

_The road to hell is_

_paved with good intentions._

_Yeah!_

**But if I die tonight**

**at least I can say I did**

**what I wanted to do!**

**Tell me how bout you?**

_**If you want it**_

_**you already got it.**_

_**If you thought it **_

_**it better be what you want.**_

_**If you feel it**_

_**it must be real just,**_

_**say the word and**_

_**imma give you what you want.**_

_Time is waiting._

**We only got 4 minutes to save the world.**

_No hesitating...grab a boy!_

**G-Grab a girl!**

_Time is waiting._

**We only got 4 minutes to save the world!**

_No hesitating!_

**We only got 4 minutes, uh, 4 minutes.**

**So keep it up, keep it up, don't be a pri-**

_Hey!_

**Madonna.**

_You gotta get in line, hop!_

_**Tick tock tick tock tick tock.**_

**That's right keep it up, keep it up, don't pri-**

_Hey!_

**Madonna.**

_You gotta get in line, hop!_

_**Tick tock tick tock tick tock.**_

**Breakdown!**

Seriously, I never knew that Uncle Emmett knew the pop, lock, and drop it dance. It was weird... Aunt Rosalie started walking in circles around him. Then Uncle Emmett stood up and started getting very up close and personal with my aunt. Aunt Rosalie must have decided that Uncle Emmett was a stripper pole.

EPOV

I was happily making out with my lovely wife when suddenly disturbing thoughts and images popped into my head. Pausing for a moment, I listened to them.

"I'm scarred for life," thought Renesmee.

A very mental image popped into my head followed by Rosalie thinking, "Oh my gawd he looks so sexy dancing like _that!_"

"I didn't know Uncle Emmett knew the pop, lock, and drop it dance." My daughter's sights starting showing in my head.

I suddenly came out of my thoughts and theirs and screamed, "Holy SHI-"

Bella crossed her arms and glared at me. "-TACKI MUSHROOMS!"

"Edward, what are you being so eccentric about?" (A/N yes we're in honors english and know big words...so sue us...not really...kat's broke...katy's not...sue her!) Bella quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Our daughter's being corrupted by-" I was interrupted by my daughter's thoughts.

"Aunt Rosalie must have decided that Uncle Emmett was a stripper pole." Those thoughts pushed me over the limit. I sprinted out of our house to where my daughter was standing.

"What are you trying to do?! Corrupt my daughter?!" Emmett smiled widely.

"Well she's gonna be doing it in the future anyway. Might as well see it now," he thought to me.

Nessie POV

Uncle Emmett must have thought something pretty bad because next thing I knew, my dad was on top of him slamming his face into the ground repeatedly. My dad was ranting to him and I caught thing like, "DAUGHTER...NEVER...WITH...WEREWOLF! YOU...AS-..."

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!" My mother yelled from our door. "Watch you frickin mouth!"

Dad growled at her, "Practice what you preach!"

Trying to escape before it got too ugly, I ran to the main house. I was heading to my grandfather's office when Uncle Jasper jumped out of his room wearing nothing on his body but a confederate flag, a mullet wig, and some sparkly sunglasses. He was also holding a mic for a karaoke machine?

"I come from the land where the mullet attacks!"

* * *

End Notes

Kat: Didja like?

Katy: **singing lyrics to try and ruin next song** Sorry, get carried away.

Kat: Nah dip!

Katy: Can ya guess? Can ya guess? Can ya guess what the song is? It's by our favorite band.

Kat: Nah uh! My fave band is Red Jumpsuit Apparatus...though this is second fave band.

Katy: Well it's my first fave.

Kat: First is worst.

Katy: :-p

Kat: Please review. We'll try to update tomorrow. If Katy can come over again!

Katy: **sigh **I hope so.


	4. Whipped! Kountry Style!

Author's Notes

Kat: **happy dances cause she aced her vocab quiz and mug shot quiz**

Katy: Yeah yeah, show off.

Kat: Well sorry, I swore I'd fail one of them. Honors English is _hard!_

Katy: Nah dip.

Kat: Stupid frickin computer. It always says everything spam...btw...

Katy: We're typing really fast while eating leftover chinese take-out since I'm about to leave.

Kat: Absolutely!

Katy: To the disclaimer.

Disclaimer (In really speedy voice):

Katy: We don't own it!

Kat: So get over it!

Katy: _**BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS!!**_ Oh, and who's read (pronounced like 'red') or started reading Midnight Sun on Steph's site? If you have don't tell us, we haven't started yet!

Kat: Btw, this is _Jasper's singing._

* * *

Nessie POV

After the horrifying scene with my parents, Uncle Emmett, and Aunt Rosalie, I decided to come inside. I wanted to speak with my grandfather so I headed towards his office when all of a sudden...

_I come from the land where the mullet attacks._

_Business up front,_

_party in the back._

Oh my God! Uncle Jasper was standing in front of me wearing nothing but a confederate flag wrapped around his waist, a mullet wig, and some of Aunt Alice's sparkly sunglasses while holding her karaoke microphone. It was projecting his voice all over the house.

_You got a style in the south_

_when you're steppin out._

_Put a gold tooth in your mouth,_

_look at you now!_

He smiled and I noticed he'd painted one of his teeth gold. I hope it's washable paint. Aunt Alice would decapitate him if it wasn't.

_Tank top, your ball cap, you think you're all that_

_but you're looking like Scott Stapp._

_You're just another redneck from_

_back in the woods._

_Not a Kountry Gentlemen that can_

_bring the goods. Tayooooooooo!_

_My momma raised me in the dirty south_

_a Kountry Gentleman._

_So you best watch your mouth._

Right then, Grandma Esme stepped out into the hall. "Young man, I did _not _under any circumstances raise you in the DIRTY SOUTH!"

Uncle Jasper ignored her and kept singing.

_My momma raised me in the dirty south_

_a Kountry Gentleman._

_That's what it's all about!_

_My momma raised me in the dirty south _

_a Kountry Gentleman._

_So you best watch your mouth._

_My momma raised me in the dirty south _

_a Kountry Gentleman._

_That's what it's all about._

"You think THAT'S what it's all about," Aunt Alice said storming into the hallway. "You're gonna know what it's all about later when...HEY! Those are _my _sunglasses and karaoke machine!"

Still ignoring his family, Uncle Jasper continued to sing.

_IROC-Z, got an eagle on it,_

_rolling on some 12's_

_don't you know I'm gonna flaunt it._

_Am I driving too fast for you now?_

He picked me up as he sang this and started dancing around with me.

_BACKFIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

_The muffler goes KAPOW!_

He set me down as he started to rap. While pretending to drive a car.

_Now that I got your attention,_

_just let me mention,_

_that I'm pinchin' pennies,_

_to buy some 20's and I got plenties_

_and manys of monies just to give to my friends._

_And that would certify me as_

_a Kountry Gentleman! _

He proceeded to stick out his tongue a blow a raspberry at Aunt Alice who cringed away. "Gross Jasper! I gotta go change now!" Aunt Alice walked off. I gaped at her in desperation.

"What?! You're _leaving _me with him?!" I heard her snicker from a bit aways. Stupid pure vampires.

_Mama, what you got cookin' up in that kitchen?_

_Cooking fried chicken?_

"Why would I be making something like that?" Grandma Esme pondered.

_You know I love that soul food._

_Everything you cook is so good._

Grandma Esme's eyebrows shot up. "Jasper, you don't eat actual food. And I don't cook...well, from what I've heard, I don't cook good...I mean well."

_For a southern man like me,_

_gotta cook it up clean, cook it up mean._

_Mama don't like it when you got leftovers._

_Give me some of them collard greens._

"Jasper? Did you even like those in your human life?" Esme questioned. I was rolling on the floor laughing. Uncle Jasper still hadn't put anything else on.

_Got me some grub and I gotta go,_

_out to the grocery store._

_Tailgate party at the Pig Wig_

_jumpin up and down in the back of a truck bed._

_Look at that kid tryin to act all big,_

_trying to break dance so break his leg_

_He ain't got what I got_

_lets make in hot in this parking lot._

Aunt Alice suddenly peeked her head out of their bedroom door and screamed, "Jasper Whitlock Hale, don't you dare!"

Oh Uncle Jasper dared all right. Suddenly he ripped off his confederate flag showing his man-hood to everyone there. I covered my eyes while continuing to roll on the floor, laughing.

"Jasper!" Grandma Esme screamed. "I raised you better than this."

Aunt Alice was trying not to laugh while saying, "Put some pants on!"

"But Alice," Uncle Jasper started, "you said you liked me with my pants off."

That's when my dad and Uncle Emmett showed up. "What? Do you roll a different way Jasper?" Uncle Emmett started. Then, suddenly realizing what was happening, pointed at Uncle Jasper's man-hood, laughed, and rolled down the stairs. He was still laughing when he hit the bottom.

My dad sighed and my mom appeared by his side. I decided that, now all the adults were here, I should leave. "Later." I ran downstairs, to my house, and locked myself in my room. I decided that I could entertain myself by re-reading my mother's copy of Wuthering Heights.

Edward's P.O.V.

"Are you all trying to corrupt my daughter or something today?!" I yelled, furious at my family.

"Edward," Bella started, "quit being such a drama queen."

I pouted. "I am not being a drama queen."

"So he's a queen now is he?" Emmett snickered. _Dude man, _he thought. _She's got you whipped!_

I smiled at him. "I know she does. She has a black leather whip and everything."

Bella gaped at me. "What?! B-b-but!" She turned to Alice. "You said you got rid of it!"

Alice smiled sweetly. "I figured you may want it sometime." She winked at us. We both gaped at her.

"Have you used it yet?" Jasper asked. I looked toward him and cringed away.

"Before asking things like that," I stated, "go put pants on. It's quite disturbing when you don't have them."

"Oh fine." He dashed off and was back in a second. "But seriously, those things are awesome!"

I heard Bella snickering beside me. Then Emmett yelled, "Noooooooo! Don't corrupt the poor prudes minds!"

We both stared at him. "Emmett, we have a kid." Bella said it so calmly I thought she might explode.

"Yeah Emmett. Dontcha know where babies come from," Alice joined in.

"Um...uh...coming mother!"

"Emmett, I'm right here." Esme was smiling widely knowing Emmett was caught now.

"Well, um...I mean...of course I do! Right Rose?" Rosalie was smiling very angelically.

"Oh yeah, he's an _expert _at making babies."

"What?!" Emmett yelled. "We don't have kids!"

Suddenly a light bulb seemed to appear above his head. "OHHHHHHHH! I forgot _that's _where they come from!"

I sighed exasperatedly while Jasper thought, _You seriously should let her use it. _

I growled at him in response and he smiled. Then he thought, _You're just a Kountry __Gentle__man._

* * *

Kat: Lol! Well Katy just left so I'm finishing this author's note. Please review and we promise that after all the chapters, we will post one chapter specifically dedicated to links for all of these songs on YouTube for those who haven't heard them. Also, the drama queen thing was a blurb from the song Drama Queen by Family Force 5 which we just heard for the first time today. Thanks for reading! (Remember to push the little square button on the bottom left and you'll be good). Katy loves you too!


	5. Making Salsa

Author's Notes:

Kat: Sorry it took so extra long...read it and weep...and btw...if you don't read the last author's note you should go die. Actually don't die, we need reviews...

Katy: We just got sushi, so we're EXTRA HYPER! We're eating it now...oh and seaweed salad ***makes high squeal***

Kat: Yum. So Katy, guess what I heard on the radio.

Katy: Oh no...what?

Kat: They said it's OKAY to make out with your best friend of the same sex!

Katy: ***scoots away*** You're scaring me...NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!!

Kat: ***looks shocked*** I did NOT mean it like _that_!!!

Katy: Thank God.

Kat: Well then...AWKWARD! To the disclaimer.

Disclaimer:

Kat: Everything I do. I do it for you!

Katy: No you don't.

Kat: True. I concur.

Katy: So anyway, yesterday I checked my birth certificate. It didn't say Stephenie Meyer...

Kat: Neither did mine.

Katy: How sad. We don't own any of the recognized ideas, characters, etc. in this story.

Kat: Awww...

Nessie POV

"Come on Renesmee! Please come out of your room. We're sorry you had to see all of that," my mom pleaded with me.

"No. Something weird and inappropriate will happen if I do. I just know it." I continued reading Wuthering Heights.

I heard my mom sigh and say, "But Renesmee you can't stay in your room forever! If you don't come out in 10 seconds I will break down your door!"

My mom was furious by now. I'd been refusing to come out for the past two hours. But no matter what she said or did, I wasn't going to come out. I heard my mom growling and then my Aunt Alice whispering something to her. A grunt showed that my mom agreed with whatever she'd just said.

"NESSIE! DANCE OFF TIME!" I jumped off of my bed and ran out to my living room where my aunt had set up a dance floor. Grandma Esme, Aunt Alice, Aunt Rosalie, and mom were all waiting for me.

"Watch this," Aunt Alice winked at me, "BOYS, WE'RE HAVING A DANCE OFF! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE!"

"Alice!" mom yelled, "Language!"

Aunt Alice smiled and then yanked open the door. All the guys suddenly came piling in. Dad and Uncle Emmett were fighting to get through the door at the same time. Uncle Emmett was about to win until my dad kicked him in the chest-sending him flying-and marched through the door, muttering something along the lines of, "Trying to kick me out of _my_ house..."

A few minutes later, Uncle Emmett came marching in. He seemed upbeat even though he was just beaten by my dad. He walked proudly over to Aunt Rosalie who just shook her head in disbelief. Then suddenly, everyone looked at Alice. Dad smiled at her. "So Alice," he started mischievously, "what are the teams."

He subtly looked over at mom who smiled right back at him. Though I do have to say, my Aunt Alice's smile was bigger than both of theirs combined. "No partners today you lovebirds. We're playing BATTLE OF THE SEXES!"

The guys whooped and the girls cheered. That is, until Aunt Alice pulled out a hat. My dad was outraged, obviously knowing what was about to happen. "No Alice," he roared, "no way on earth will I go through with this!"

She just smiled sweetly at him. "Well I'll go first..._ballet... _but Edward, you don't want to disappoint your daughter...or your wife." My dad pouted. Seriously! It was a full-out puppy-dog-pout. Knowing his fate, he reached his hand into the hat and pulled out a piece of paper that said, _Hip-Hop._ My mom was literally rolling on the floor laughing.

"But Edward! Hip-hop?! I have got to see this on-" Suddenly the hat was in front of her. She gulped and stuck her hand in, trying to ignore Aunt Alice's snickers. When her hand came out, she looked at her paper and almost fell to the floor again. This time though, it would have been from shock. Dad gently took the paper from her hand. He looked at it once then looked at it again. After confirming what it said, he burst out laughing.

Mom regained control of herself and slapped him upside the head. "It's not that funny," she growled menacingly.

"It is for a used-to-be klutz." Dad took the paper back and handed it to Uncle Emmett who just gaped at it.

"Well what's it say?" Aunt Rosalie asked.

"It says, _Pointe." _ Everyone it the room burst into a fit of laughter. I quickly covered my mouth so I wouldn't do the same. "Woo hoo! Bella's gonna walk around on her toes! Time to see the first vampire that'll trip _then_ break her neck."

There was then a vase flying at Uncle Emmett's head. He ducked away from it and dad caught it before it could bust. He gently set it down away from my mother. She scowled at the room. "Emmett if you think it's so funny, why don't you pick next?"

I think he was the first vampire that ever paled. Truthfully, I thought he looked almost invisible at the moment. Then suddenly, he puffed out his chest, dug his hand in the hat, pulled out a piece of paper, and swore. Aunt Rosalie looked at it and snorted. "Well," she said, "at least those ballroom dance lessons won't go to waste now."

Mom snickered. "You took ballroom dance lessons?" She got her answer from Uncle Emmett's scowl.

"Yeah," Aunt Rosalie said. "Esme sent us to get the lessons when Emmett thought that doing the salsa was a dance you did to crush up the peppers." She took the slip of paper from Uncle Emmett and showed the room. _Well, _I thought, _snacktime._ For Uncle Emmett's paper did indeed say _Salsa_.

Next pick was Aunt Rose's. "Finally!" she exclaimed. "I've been wanting to wear my new outfit for _ages._" She showed us her paper. Written clearly on it was _jazz._

"Hey!" Uncle Jasper said. "You're doing me...oh no wait. That sounds terrible."

Again, laughter erupted around the room. I guess your family relies on perverted jokes after hearing knock-knock jokes for one hundred years. Aunt Alice, still laughing, thrust the hat at Uncle Jasper. "Alright Me, pick away." She said this somewhat seductively which made me suspicious.

"_POLE DANCING?!_" he screeched causing all of us to laugh...again. He looked at Aunt Alice in desperation. "Alice! Don't make me do this! Please," he said getting on his knees in front of her, "I'm begging you."

"Now those," Aunt Alice said, smiling triumphantly over him, "were the wrong words to say. Now you must do it. Not in that sense though." Then she smiled wickedly. "And by the way, we had a pole especially installed for you."

I thought my dad was going to blow up. He looked _that mad. _"But Alice," he said with calm fury, "this is MY HOUSE!" Uncle Emmett came up behind him and clapped him on the back.

"I wouldn't worry about it. You two can use it later," he said wiggling his eyebrows at my mom. She just rolled her eyes. Aunt Alice smirked and shut her eyes for a moment before saying, "And you'll have fun with it too."

"Ewwwwwww," I said, covering my ears. "I don't want to know about my parents sex life!"

"Yeah," my dad chipped in, "quit scarring my poor child's ears."

"But Edward," Uncle Emmett said, "she's a Cullen. We gotta break her in sometime. Or would you rather Jacob did it for you?" A sound like boulders crashing echoed around the room as my dad slammed into Uncle Emmett. In a flash, Grandma was between them, pulling them apart.

"Enough! You two are being so obnoxious tonight! If you don't stop it," Grandma warned, "I'm gonna kick you out of this competition...meaning the girls AUTOMATICALLY WIN."

That didn't go over very well considering all the girls were suddenly screaming, "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!"

Grandma shushed them all and stiffly said, "Alice, give me the hat."

Aunt Alice worriedly handed over the hat and Grandma shoved her hand in, grabbing a slip and stating, "_Tap._"

Grandpa covered his mouth to keep from laughing and Grandma glared at him. "Fine then, Carlisle," she sneered, shoving the hat at him, "your turn."

He placed his hand deep in the hat and pulled out a slip, looked at it, and nearly had his mouth hit the floor. Then suddenly, dad was rolling on the floor laughing. Literally. Looking for the cause of the sudden mental breakdown, mom took the slip from Grandpa's hands, read it, and laughed. "Carlisle?!" she laughed, "_BREAK DANCING???!!!_"

_**READ THIS OR DIE **_(but don't really)

Kat: Guess what?

Katy: Chicken butt!

Kat: ***gives weird glance*** Um...NO.

Katy: Oh well if it's not that...we're having a _**CONTEST!!! ***_**throws hands in air***

Kat: Yup. Go read our profile, it has all the rules and info crap...and if it doesn't, PM us.

Katy: The contest is called the Me, Myself, and I in Twilight Contest...so go check it out.

Kat: If you love us you will enter...we'll change the date soon for entries dues. You'll have more time since we told you so late. But check it out (we haven't had any entries so it's a good chance you can win...we also need prize ideas!)

Katy: Well I'm going to make my Animal Crossing person...sorry there's no song, that's the next chapter. Oh, and Alice will be singing.

Kat: Review!


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